My hair reeks of homosexuality.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
