i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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