He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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