Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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