he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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