you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
