My underwear smells like fireworks.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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