Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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