he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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