she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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