it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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