Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He kissed a someone with a penis
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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