Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
