All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
