I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
