Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
