I love black thongs
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You ruined the universe
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
