If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
