I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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