3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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