think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
