I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
