my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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