If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
