a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
