I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
