Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
