just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
