No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I AM VODKA MAN
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
