4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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