Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
