is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
