i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
