kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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