I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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