marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
