The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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