She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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