he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
