He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's always time for handjobs
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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