at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
