I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
