My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
