remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
