Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My life is pants optional.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
