you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
