I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need water and some morals
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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