So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
