just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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