sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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